The last month...

This blog doesn't exactly flow because it's my thought process :) So excuse the poor organization.

I don't even know where to begin. This past month has been a whirlwind of doctors appointments, emotions, and dissapointment. If you don't know already, I was pregnant and miscarried. I was 9 weeks along and the baby just wasn't growing properly. 4 days after I found out, I had the surgery and have been healing physically and emotionally ever since.

It's amazing how you don't realize what is important to you until you get it... and than to lose it makes it that much more important. Jonathan and I were not planning on getting pregnant. We left that in God's hands and apparently he had a different plan. What is interesting is a week before I found out I was pregnant, I had prayed to God asking him to not let us get pregnant until we were ready. I don't know if the miscarriage is saying that we weren't ready, but I feel that God knew we were ready. We were ready to experience life and all that comes with it, including death.

Through all of this turmoil, Jonathan and I have become closer in our relationship and have learned to depend on each other when things get tough. Because of this, I know that I can depend on Jonathan to support me in the things that I do and to help me when I fail.

Tonight on The Biggest Loser, they shared Abby's story (one of the contestants) again. It still made me almost bawl. She was married with two children: and 18 mo old and a 5 yr old and lost all three of her family members from a car accident. They were hit by someone going over 100 miles per hour while she was in the hospital. Hearing stories like this makes me sick because I don't know what I would do in that situation! It reminds me that I need to cherish every moment I have with the people I love. She completely disconnected herself from her friends and family for over two years and finally has decided to live again.

The reason I am posting that is because I am ready to live. I had a miscarriage. Yes, it is devastating and a loss, but it's something that I can get through... something that Jonathan and I can get over and move on. I have been in a daze these past few weeks and very spacey. I don't want to be like that anymore. I am ready to get on and start cherishing the moments of every day because you never know when something will change once again.

Mush.

That about sums it up. My mind has been a complete ball of mush these last few days. Today, for example, every time I turned around I forgot what I was doing! I have had an entire week to catch up on chores and get a few extra things done that I have been wanting to accomplish and what have I done? Absolutely nothing! Granted, I did grocery shop today for my sisters party on Saturday, and finished her music list. But that is it!
I have been told that this happens and it will be like this for the rest of my pregnancy. I am really hoping that I can focus in school... it starts in about 2 weeks. I don't know what I am going to do if I can't concentrate in my last year of college!
Still no morning sickness! God really has blessed me because I feel great! The only symptoms I have had are exhaustion, hunger, and hormonal issues. Bless my husband for having to do with my crazy mood swings :)
I have my first ultra sound tomorrow and I am just praying for a healthy baby with a heartbeat! Jonathan and I can't wait to see our little Raspberry! I will definitely be posting pictures as soon as I get them! (also as soon as I can scan them and save... do they give you a disc of your U/S pictures?)

Update # 1

So I promised I would try my best to keep up with all the news...and I have already failed. There really isn't much I can say tho... I am just dealing with working and planning for school on top of being extremely exhausted!

As of today, I am officially 7 weeks pregnant! I am starting my 8th week... and cannot wait till I get out of the first trimester! I haven't had any morning sickness (thank goodness) and have been feeling great besides this stupid cold! I can't believe I actually have a cold in August!

So, on to more about more. Most people I know, know I am a nanny. I absolutely love my job! It is the most rewarding and fun jobs I think a person can have :) Everyday I get to play with kids and get paid! What other job out there allows you to do that?

My kids know that I am pregnant too. What is really cool about this is that they are going to learn all about what happens when a mommy has a baby! Every morning they ask to feel the baby, after lunch, and even a couple times in the afternoon. They swear that they feel the baby move! They are even helping me come up with names! lol it's so cute :) So far, the babys name is blueberry... because I told them that right now it's the size of a blueberry.

Well, I am already tired of typing... will do more later :) Goodnight!

First things first...

So this is my very first blog... ever. I have never once written a blog. OK, does Myspace count?
Hmm...
Either way, this is my first REAL blog. I am going to try my very best to keep it updated and write about the daily/weekly changes :)

Time for bed... I will start tomorrow.