The last month...

This blog doesn't exactly flow because it's my thought process :) So excuse the poor organization.

I don't even know where to begin. This past month has been a whirlwind of doctors appointments, emotions, and dissapointment. If you don't know already, I was pregnant and miscarried. I was 9 weeks along and the baby just wasn't growing properly. 4 days after I found out, I had the surgery and have been healing physically and emotionally ever since.

It's amazing how you don't realize what is important to you until you get it... and than to lose it makes it that much more important. Jonathan and I were not planning on getting pregnant. We left that in God's hands and apparently he had a different plan. What is interesting is a week before I found out I was pregnant, I had prayed to God asking him to not let us get pregnant until we were ready. I don't know if the miscarriage is saying that we weren't ready, but I feel that God knew we were ready. We were ready to experience life and all that comes with it, including death.

Through all of this turmoil, Jonathan and I have become closer in our relationship and have learned to depend on each other when things get tough. Because of this, I know that I can depend on Jonathan to support me in the things that I do and to help me when I fail.

Tonight on The Biggest Loser, they shared Abby's story (one of the contestants) again. It still made me almost bawl. She was married with two children: and 18 mo old and a 5 yr old and lost all three of her family members from a car accident. They were hit by someone going over 100 miles per hour while she was in the hospital. Hearing stories like this makes me sick because I don't know what I would do in that situation! It reminds me that I need to cherish every moment I have with the people I love. She completely disconnected herself from her friends and family for over two years and finally has decided to live again.

The reason I am posting that is because I am ready to live. I had a miscarriage. Yes, it is devastating and a loss, but it's something that I can get through... something that Jonathan and I can get over and move on. I have been in a daze these past few weeks and very spacey. I don't want to be like that anymore. I am ready to get on and start cherishing the moments of every day because you never know when something will change once again.